What is the Drift?

Think about if you can answer this question: Do you really consciously know when you are actively falling asleep? Can you lay there while you are sleeping and tell yourself' "Okay, I'm falling asleep now and I will be dreaming in a few minutes." I bet very few if anyone can actually know and sense this. My real question is why don't we know of, or consciously feel the drift off to sleep while it is happening? For I'm sure most of us, it starts out with us lying there, maaaaybe feeling the beginning of slight unconsciousness, then BLINK and your awake, with maybe a memory of a dream you just had. Where does our mind go during this strange transitional period? Is it going anywhere at all? Why can't I pinpoint this exact moment just as I can pinpoint other happenings in my life so easily? These questions have kept me awake at night all my whole life. Even to the point that it makes me anxious to fall asleep, which may sound silly, I know. It's the not knowing when but knowing that this will happen without you knowing or feeling it that truly made me nervous, knowing my mind will drift off to sleep without me truly knowing when it is happening. It still does.

To me, the feeling of the unknown has always been scarier than anything you can see or witness. But here's the thing about sleep: It will always, no matter what, happen when it absolutely needs to. Nobody can stay awake forever. No matter how long it is you are staying awake for, the drift will happen. Eventually, consciousness will begin to slip from your fingers, and you will start the drift to sleep no matter how hard you try. And during that drift, before you realize it's even happening, your mind has already let go and allows itself to go into this state. So, by that logic there should be nothing to fear, because here you are with that truth: it will happen. Where does that fear go? So many times, I would lie awake and be aware, nervous and waiting for it, putting myself in that silly cycle, until I started to drift and my care and anxiousness of the drift has seemingly floated away without me knowing. It's fascinating and terrifying to me at the same time.

I am no scientist, nor have I studied the brain and/or sleeping. Consciousness as a whole is something we don't truly understand 100%, which is where I put the drift and dreaming. Neither is something we can put our finger on, literally and figuratively. There are so many parts of our brain and mind that we do not use and do not understand, so maybe this is where the drift lies. And maybe that's ok. Maybe if we knew all, that would be scarier than not knowing. These are the things I think about to help ignore the drift fear. What do you think the drift is? Is it something that you can put your finger on? Is it something you believe in? I do believe there are things about existence and living and being that we don't understand, and I want it to stay that way, for what is science without curiosity? What is being awake without sleep? What is floating without... drifting...